red light mix may

after nine hours on a bus after nine days at an extremely hot and dirty festival camp, i am home in oslo. been eaten half a watermelon and half an avocado with tahini, had a clay mask and a hair mask on for too long. did all the bathroom stuff i usually dont bother to yet i love theses bathroom routines, ie the way i touch my body when i apply body lotion, like a commercial. as my family has gone to spain and i have the house all by myself, i thought the transition from sound and music and trash everywhere, to silence and waking up alone and piles of clean, wrapped clothes on my desk would be overwhelming, but it is not. after being exposed to so much, been a part of a thing that was so much for so long, i’m not in need of anything specific, as long as i got my bed and my clean clothes. it is like being perfectly pleased after a meal.

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after years of thinking

Skjermbilde 2015-06-18 kl. 08.37.48

after years of looking through magazines, as well as the steady feed of the best editorials which are posted on the internet, i’ve developed a high standard of what defines a good editorial. it isn’t good enough only to have a good styling or a pretty model or location. for that matter, that an ed is shot by one of my favorite photographers doesn’t seem that much any more. it is more like some aspects or ideas outside the team seem to define the outcome of a series – if the team is able to cooperate in the right way. i know that using the term right way makes it hard to express what i really look for, but maybe that’s the reason why a photography that actually works, is so right, by no doubt. you can’t directly express, at least not through words and language, what you want to achieve. visual references are tricky as well – it is easy to look at a photo that you like in order to recreate something, but a new styling or new model doesn’t make it a new picture. it will probably turn out to be a good looking result, but there isn’t anything more about it. it is this word, more, that is so hard to define and therefore so hard to reach as well. almost platonic, yet a reality.

i don’t have a solution to this, but when i find i photo that i really like, i immediately try to understand what i like about it. rather, what makes it stick out – not in the matter of originality (i don’t really believe that originality is the solution to a lack of creativity – almost the opposite), just that it manages to express something more. what this word ‘more’ consists of is hard to say, i don’t know.

it is my first morning after my last exam ever (i am officially done with school! however, i thought yesterday, from the minute i walked out from my exam, would be the best day of my life. instead i had a strong feeling of loneliness that i just couldn’t let go. i went to bed early and feel asleep immediately), and i lay in my bed, i’ve been doing that all morning so far, except for making tea and eating watermelon by the kitchen counter. i’ve been looking through sites of art and editorials – all the stuff i haven’t allowed myself to do since my exams began. i am surprised, and happy, to see that there are so many nice eds around at the moment. yet, the pictures that caught my interest the most, was a series of a tan girl in a studio. especially the ones from behind where you see her thighs and almost her butt. she is touching her butt with her hands, and i realized i like this photo so much i had to write about it (here). as i’ve never found myself attracted by a woman, never felt any fascination of the naked women in the gym wardrobe, and i feel that i observe my friends’ bodies from a more objective perspective: they are beautiful, but so what. yet i have to admit that the beauty of a woman’s body indeed is present. a man’s appearance is attractive, fascinating, hot, while women have a beautiful basis. of course, there is so much more to a woman than that, don’t get me wrong, but first impressions of men and woman are based on different focuses and expectations. a woman is easier to dress down to make a “pleasing” photo – but is that all there is? am i tricked to like this photo, only because i can see her but and it looks nice? or is that the idea about the photo: we know we caught your attention easily, so now it is easier to convince you about the rest.

mafia

marfa journal was launched one of these days, and i am going to order it as soon as i manage to have my wallet next to me while i am at the computer. i just relax in front of the computer and never do anything smart or productively. maybe because i always prefer to write by hand and never do school work by hand and write my notes by hand, so my mac isnt connected to doing smart or constructive stuff. i have several shopping baskets all over the internet that i end up forgetting about because i never bother to find my wallet while i am in front of the computer. maybe it is a good thing. as a child i never got all the toys i wanted, and i remember the strong desire for something i wanted but couldnt get. i would draw it and look at it and think about it for days and weeks instead of having it, playing with it, get tired of it. i remember i loved to look through all kinds of catalogues – rather than books and magazines. the catalogues represented something i only would be able to have in this passive form – which was the best form of them all.

spam

jeg har en kommentar i ‘inboxen’ som venter på å bli godkjent. det er en spammelding, det vet jeg, og derfor har jeg ikke godkjent den, men jeg har heller ikke fått meg til å kaste den, krysse den av som spam. The best deer velvet extract has been found by our
research and imported it from New Zealand. jeg synes det lyder så fint, hva hensikten er, vet jeg ikke, men jeg synes det er så rart å tenke på at spam kan være så fint. i perioder hvor jeg har fått mye spam, er det skrevet om aktuelle konflikter, nyheter, uttalelser og taler blant alle de sleezy linkene jeg aldri trykker på. noen ganger får jeg lyst til å sette meg ned og lese gjennom alle disse kommentarene, til og med printe dem ut kanskje, lage en analyse av de ulike kommentarene, så vel som avstenderene – flere navn går igjen. antageligvis er det bare datamaskiner som konstruerer kommentarene, men hvorfor skrive om disse seriøse greiene? er vi post-you just won a billion dollars-spammen? vil den bli enda mer lyrisk med tiden?